Q: If I do wrong again and again, I feel guilty. I think it makes my mind hard, but I can’t stop. What can I do?
A: People have written entire books on this question. Therefore, like many other questions in this series, my answer will stick to broad principles and merely scratch the surface.
What you describe is what Paul describes in Romans 7: “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate … For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.” (vv 15, 18-19) Paul concluded from his experience that “sin … dwells in my members.” (23) In other words, he saw not just that he sins but that he is a sinner from the inside out. Your experience should make you see the same thing.
Imagine for a moment that a three-year-old boy tried to wrestle against the Olympic gold medalist in wrestling. The boy would not stand a chance. The gold medalist would defeat him, and after the boy lost, if he decided to wrestle again, the gold medalist would defeat him again. And again. And again. As many times as they wrestled, the gold medalist would win. He is much stronger than the boy. And much craftier in the art of wrestling.
Now you are the three-year-old, and sin is the gold medalist, and every time you get on the mat with sin, you lose. Sin is stronger than you. And craftier. We have to see this, and sometimes it takes the experience you describe of sinning over and over and being unable to stop ourselves to see how weak we are. The sin is not good, but when you begin to see the depths of your sin, that insight is a necessary step toward righteousness. This is when you begin to see the need for grace. This is when you begin to call upon God and say, “I can’t live without you!”
When you begin to see that you are sinful to the core, you need to deal with two things. The first is your feelings of guilt, and the second is the business of beginning to live in righteousness. The gospel deals with both these things.
First, let’s talk about your guilt feelings. Those feelings are certainly natural, but if you are in Christ, you need to understand that the sin is gone — it’s covered by the blood of Christ. You must believe this. You must hold onto it. The Cross is God’s remedy against overwhelming guilt. It is not an excuse to sin. We do not say, “Oh great! God cleanses my sin so let me roll around in it.” That thinking is an abuse of the Cross. But when we do sin, we confess it and say, “Praise you, Lord, that you have made me clean in Christ.” John said “if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (I Jn 1:9)
Listen. You may be living in Romans 7 and may have committed the same sin for the 1000th time. You may be tired of committing the same sins, and you don’t think God could ever forgive you for disobeying Him again and again. But if you are in Christ, you are clean. Period. You may not feel clean, but your feelings do not match reality. It’s time to see reality. Through the Cross, Christ has justified you, reconciled you to Himself, redeemed you from sin, and forgiven all your wrongs. Instead of doubting these truths, believe them. Praise God for them. That is how you fight the guilty feelings. You dwell on the love of God shown through the work of the Cross and you get back up.
The second part of your response will deal with living in righteousness. We must understand that while Christ may forgive our sins again and again, He does not forgive so that we may continue in sin. Forgiveness is true — praise the Lord it is — but it is not the end of the story. God is not interested in merely forgiving broken people. He wants to transform them. The gospel is more than forgiveness. It is a new life.
From your question, however, I am guessing that sometimes you do not see this new life. This again is where the gospel comes in. In Christ, you are not just forgiven. You are new. And just as it may not feel as if you are forgiven, so too, it may not feel as if you are new. But you are new. Whether you feel it or not. The same Scripture that says you are justified and forgiven also says that you are dead to sin and alive to God (Rm 6:1-11), and that you are sanctified or holy (I Cor 1:2, 30; 6:9-11; Eph 1:4; Heb 10:10). This is your identity. Scripture says that in Christ you are clean, new, and holy. Those things are facts. We then need to align our feelings with the facts.
Please do not misunderstand. I am not saying we are perfect. Christians still sin, but even when we sin, we are still holy in Christ. It’s who we are in Him. The work of living out a holy life actually begins by believing that in Christ we are holy. We walk by faith, not by sight. So you can begin by believing that you are dead to this sin that you keep doing.
Next, it is important to know that fighting sin is not a matter of fighting sin. Think of it this way. In the beginning of Romeo and Juliet, Romeo likes a girl named Rosalind. He can’t get her off his mind. His friend Benvolio comes and tries to get him off of Rosalind, and Father Laurence chides him for thinking on Rosalind, but no one succeeds. That is, until Romeo meets Juliet. Then his passion for Rosalind disappears. “Rosalind? Who is she?” Romeo could not fight his passion for Rosalind until he found a passion for someone else. Fighting sin is the same way. You will not defeat sin by saying, “I won’t sin. I won’t sin. I won’t sin.” You will fight sin by finding a passion for Christ. Fighting sin is not a matter of keeping yourself from sin. Instead it is a matter of giving yourself to Christ. When you lose yourself in Christ you will begin to find your lifestyle changing.
Therefore, in this process of overcoming a sin that you keep falling into, I want to point you to Christ. I also want you to understand that in Christ your identity is new. You are no longer the old you who likes to argue or drink or view pornography. You are dead to those things. You are alive to God. God does not change us by changing our behavior. Instead, He changes our behavior by changing us. Therefore, do not focus on the behavior. Focus on Christ and on who He has made you to be through the gospel. Righteousness is His work, and if we will trust Him and passionately follow Him, then “He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.” (Ph 1:6)
If you want to read more, the two best resources I have read on this topic are The Gospel Mystery of Sanctification by Walter Marshall (a puritan from the 1600s) and The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee (Ni To Sheng). The book by Nee is the easier of the two to read.
