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Feb

2022

Dating and Romance: Practical Principles

In the previous blog I laid some foundation for how to think about dating and romance. I now want to build on that foundation and discuss practice. Which practices help produce a healthy dating relationship?

So here we go.

Keep Christ first

Marriage is merely a picture. Your relationship with Jesus is the reality that marriage portrays. Dating is just a preliminary to the picture of the reality. Why would you sacrifice the reality in order to gain a preliminary step to a picture of that reality? Maintain your relationship with Christ throughout the romance. If the romance causes you to lose sight of Christ, you need to make some serious changes in the relationship or dump the romance. If the romance causes you to compromise Biblical ethics or faith, you need to repent and make some changes in the relationship or end it. Your relationship with Christ is a trillion times more important than your relationship with this guy or girl.

Keeping Christ first is the one thing you can do that will most help you in the dating relationship. It keeps your priorities in order. It provides you guidance as you walk. It helps you think long term. It steadies your emotions and gives them perspective. It makes you kinder, humbler, more patient, more loving. Faith in Christ provides an anchor in the midst of powerful emotional waves that can push you against the rocks, and it provides a rudder that will help you navigate the reefs of the sea.

If you keep Christ first, many of the other principles I mention will happen naturally. If you do not keep Christ first, many of the principles I mention will seem crazy to you.

Be willing to let go of the relationship

If Christ is first, then this relationship is not. You want God’s best for you. That may be marriage or it may not be. Your feelings will push for marriage, but you must be willing to let go of marriage if it is not God’s best. You may need to say “no” to what you want because it is not what God wants.

Pray about everything in the relationship

This is part of keeping Christ first. You want His will for you, His will for the other person, and His will for this relationship. You want His blessing on the both of you, His direction, His presence. Prayer does this. It acknowledges that God is in charge, not you, and it seeks God’s desires and presence in the matter.

Don’t let the relationship become your life

When men and women date, the temptation is to be with one another all the time, to spend their waking hours thinking on one another, being with one another, talking to one another. This is the direction that romance pushes us toward, but it is not healthy. You need time for God, time for rest, time for friends, time for ministry, time to read or watch a soccer match, time for the rest of your life. Now obviously, when you date, you need some time together. That’s part of the point of dating. But you also need time apart. That time apart gives you a break from the other person, and that break can help give perspective. It allows your friends to let you know what they think about the relationship, for they will see things you will miss. It allows you to be more real, for if you marry, you will find that you will go right back to doing all these other activities anyway. Time for the rest of your life allows the other person to see something about the rest of your life, and that’s part of the process. The more the relationship becomes your life, the more blind you will be to the relationship itself. You won’t see anything except what your starry eyes want you to see.

Dates are dog and pony shows

When a man and woman go on a date, they tend to put their best face forward. They are more polite than usual, more considerate than usual, prettier than usual. This means that when you go on a date, you are not necessarily seeing the real person. You are often seeing a show. Understand this. This fact doesn’t mean you can never go to dinner together, but it does mean that you need to evaluate whether you are seeing the real person, and it also means . . .

When dating, do things with groups

Time with groups allows you to see the other person in a more natural setting. On dates, people tend to be phonier, but when others are around, people tend to be more themselves. If you spend all your time alone with one another, you are probably going to be fooled by the dog and pony show. But if you spend time with his friends, you get to see how he treats his friends and how his friends treat you. And he is usually less careful about putting on a show and more likely to be himself. Groups provide a serious opportunity to see the real person.

Groups also provide friends and family the opportunity to see the two of you together. This puts many sets of eyes on your relationship. You want this. It allows people whom you respect to speak into this relationship and to do so intelligently. They will see how the two of you act together, and they will see things you won’t. I would recommend that most of your time together be in a group context.

Remain within the body of Christ

This is part of walking with God. But this deals with God’s people. Remain in community with God’s people. Don’t pull away from them. This is a normal part of spiritual growth, so if you cut yourself off from God’s people, you hurt your growth with God. In addition, ongoing and meaningful relationship with the body of Christ will help you discern what to do within a relationship. You want godly people to see your relationship with this person.

Don’t date someone you know you can’t marry

This is plain common sense. If the purpose of dating is to determine marriage, and you already know you can’t marry this person, then don’t go down that path. If you date in this situation, you’re playing with fire. Dating can lead to marriage even if you enter it knowing you shouldn’t marry. Romance can take over, and when it does you may no longer be thinking straight. You may find yourself five years down the road married to someone and wishing you could get out. But you could have gotten out in the beginning when you knew. All you had to do was not get in; and in the beginning, it is fairly easy not to get in.

The further you go in a relationship, the harder it is to get out.

I am not talking here purely about time, though time certainly is a factor. In general, the more time you spend in a relationship, the harder it is to get out. However, you can move quite far in a relationship quickly. You do so by how you touch each other, by saying words like “I love you,” by forsaking other activities to spend time with each other, by the gifts you give, by flowers or notes, by talking about marriage, by becoming sexually involved, by living together, and by a thousand other words, gestures, and commitments. Some of these may be appropriate, others are not; but they all serve to bind the couple together. They make it more painful to end the relationship. The more powerful your feelings are for each other, the more difficult it will be if you must end the relationship.

Therefore, if you ever realize that this person is not someone to marry, end the dating relationship immediately. Don’t wait. The longer you wait, the harder it gets. It may be a painful discussion, but you will show more compassion by cutting things off now.

In addition, be wise in moving the relationship forward. It may be God’s desire to move a relationship forward. There’s a time to say, “I love you,” a time to give flowers, a time to write notes, a time to talk about marriage. But understand that each of those moves increases the emotional capital in the relationship. Pray about those moves before you make them.

If you are a Christian, look for spiritual maturity in Christ

If this relationship ends in marriage, then the two of you will be united in intimacy for life. You want a partner who seeks Jesus first. If you are to walk with Christ within your marriage, you will find that you will do so better with a partner who also walks with Christ. This means that you are looking for someone who spends daily time with God, who serves his church and shares his faith, who gives of her income to the kingdom, who does not compromise ethically. You want a person who has a right heart and a right faith. Don’t settle for something less.

Having said this, I also need to acknowledge that we live in a fallen world. The person you marry will still be sinful. There is no getting around that. So when I say to look for spiritual maturity, I am not saying to look for perfection. You may see some sin in this person, but the question to ask is how he responds to that sin. Is he willing to acknowledge it? Does she want to change? Does he have a soft heart toward his sin? A person’s response to his or her sin tells you more than the actual sin does. Look for someone who handles his or her own sin in a mature way.

Trust God for the relationship

One of the themes of Song of Solomon is this verse: “I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, not to awaken or stir up love until it pleases” (8:4). The idea is that you should not force the relationship. Let it develop naturally. Imagine trying to force a rose to grow. If you were to interfere with its natural process, you would mess it up. Dating relationships are like this. Everyone wants the relationship to blossom on his or her time table, but God’s time table is not always ours. If God is moving more slowly than you would like, let Him.

I have seen girls try to force guys to a greater commitment by getting more sexual. I have seen guys try to push a girl to a greater commitment by spending money on her or by asking her to live together.

Be content where you are. In Christ you don’t need this relationship. It may be a blessing God has for you, but if you force it, you may turn His blessing into something much less.

If you trust God for the relationship, He will provide you with appropriate times and ways to move the relationship forward, but if you simply take matters into your own hand, you will not like the results in the end.

Look at the other person’s friends

People do not choose their family, but they do choose their friends, and quality people tend to have quality friends. That’s a generalization, but as a generalization it is true. If you see that this other person has godly friends and strong friendships, that’s a good sign. It doesn’t mean you end the relationship because you don’t like one of his or her friends. But the nature of this person’s friendships suggests something. I emphasize the word suggests. It doesn’t prove anything. This girl could have godly friends and be the wrong person for you, or this guy could have bad friendships and yet be the right guy. But these friendships are still good information.

Fit the pace of the relationship to reality

In a dating relationship, there is a time to move forward, a time to wait, and a time to end the relationship. When it is time to move, move. When it is time to wait, wait. If it is time to end the relationship, end it. I’ve seen damaged relationships when people needed to move forward but they waited. I’ve seen damaged relationships when people needed to wait, but they moved. And I’ve seen disaster when people needed to end a relationship but they didn’t.

Of course, the key is to know when to take a step and when not to, and there is no single answer to knowing that. Different people find themselves in different situations with different personalities and expectations, and it would be nice if I could give you a flat timeline that you could apply to every relationship. I can’t. What will help you in this process is keeping Christ first and seeking Him along the way. What will help you is listening well to the other person. What will help you is the counsel of godly people.

Don’t get caught up in getting everything perfect. You won’t get it perfect. But pay attention to what needs to happen at the particular stage you are in, and as best you can, do that.

To the man:

Lead in the dating relationship. Dating is preliminary to marriage. In marriage, the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church (Eph 5:22-24, 31-2)[1]. If you are not leading in a healthy way in the dating relationship, it will be difficult to do so after you are married. You can’t just flip a switch and begin to relate to one another in a new way just because you said, “I do.” Therefore, take the lead now. Practice healthy leadership while you date, and if you do end up in marriage, you will already have healthy habits in place.

Understand that your leadership must be like that of Christ for His church. The Biblical leadership model is not domination. Nor is it American entrepreneurialism. This isn’t like running a business. You will serve the girl as Christ served His church. You will put her needs above your own. Such is part of Biblical leadership. But it also means that you lead. You ask her out, not she asks you out. You propose marriage when the time comes. You seek her. You initiate praying together, going to church together or serving together. You are the leader. So lead.

And because God intends the husband to be the head of the wife, that reality should inform what you are looking for in a woman. I remember before Leanne ever knew I was interested in her, she and I were talking about something, and she made a throwaway comment about male headship in the home in a way that showed me she took it seriously. That comment excited me, not because I desire some sort of power play but because I saw an attractive woman who took Scripture seriously on marriage. It increased my desire to pursue her.

Everyone is sinful. You are and she is. Sometimes her sin may involve her wanting to usurp your lead. By itself that doesn’t mean you should end the relationship, but it is a red flag. And if her desire to run the show in your relationship is ingrained in her, you will be better off without her than stuck to her for life. A woman who honors what Scripture says about marriage shows maturity. At least on that issue.

To the woman:

Let the man lead. This is tricky. Male headship within the home doesn’t mean the woman is a doormat. Good leaders do not fear initiative in their people, and a good man won’t fear healthy initiative in you. If he does, that is a red flag to you. Thus, talk openly about whatever God lays on your heart to talk openly about. Don’t be afraid to suggest that the two of you go to such and such party or that he makes a change in his ministry, or that you attend a conference together or that you pray together about something. Don’t be afraid to plan an outing together or offer that you read a book together. These are all initiatives that a godly leader will welcome, and they in no way usurp leadership from him. Of course, you want him to be doing these same sorts of things too. If all the initiating is on your side, that’s a problem.

Confine the man’s leadership to the relationship. When you date, you are not married. He is, thus, not your husband and has no authority over you on any issue. You don’t have to submit to him if he asks you to change your work, move to a new neighborhood, dress differently, buy a car, or whatever.

Within the relationship, you are looking for a man who will lead you in Christ and serve you with his life. Does he take responsibility for moving the relationship forward? And does he take seriously leading the spiritual component of the relationship? Let him lead on the big steps – beginning to date, proposing for marriage – and let him lead on those issues that deal purely with the relationship itself. This doesn’t mean you can’t talk about marriage or about when you should meet his parents or he your parents. It doesn’t mean you can’t initiate those conversations, but it does mean to let him lead on those issues. Speak your mind, but let him lead.

Do not follow his lead if he leads in an unbiblical way – he asks you to lie, he makes sexual advances, he pulls away from church. He loses his leadership in such cases.

These principles are incomplete and brief, but I pray they help. I do want to talk about two other principles, but they involve a more lengthy discussion. These deal with being unequally yoked and with sexual boundaries. They will be separate blogs on their own.

[1] I don’t have time to flesh out what male leadership in marriage does and does not look like, but I have done that in previous blogs. For more discussion on this topic, go here, here, and here.

Feb

2022

Dating and Romance

Your love is better than wine. (Song of Solomon 1:2)

The greatest earthly blessings are often the greatest distractions from God. Nowhere is this statement illustrated more clearly than in the issue of romantic relationships. Sometimes God greatly blesses a man and woman by giving them each other; and when He does, the result is wondrously beautiful. It can be a blessing beyond description, as it has been for Leanne and me.

But it is precisely the beauty of romance that creates the distraction. One of the most common stumbling blocks for a godly man is a girl, and one of the most common stumbling blocks for a godly woman is a guy – not because romance is bad but because it is good. Really good. Romantic desires for the opposite sex are natural, powerful, and delightful, but sometimes powerful desires take over, and when they do, they are no longer mere desires. They become masters, and we their slaves.

Sadly, I have seen this too often. I could list many men and women who were walking with Christ and growing in Him until they met that perfect person. Five years later, that perfect person wasn’t so perfect, but the damage was done. The relationship with Christ had usually become distant.

We, thus, have great need for Biblical direction in navigating romantic relationships, and that direction begins by discussing the inherent goodness of romance. When God created the human race, He created male and female, He made sexual attraction and sex itself, and He invented marriage.

Thus, this entire world of romance is something God has His fingers all over. God loves romance. You might say He is a romantic at heart, for God so loved the world that He pursued us with a passion that no man ever had for a woman. And when He won our hearts, He made us His Bride. The very gospel itself is a love story, a heavenly romance. Because of this fact, Christians, of all people, should be given over to the praises of romance. Earthly romance is a picture of our relationship with God. That’s why it is so good. The problem comes when we make it a substitute for our relationship with God, when romance drives our life, when it becomes more important than Christ Himself.

Now in modern culture, romance and dating often go together. Sometimes dating comes first, and romance blossoms out of that soil. Sometimes romantic feelings come first, and they drive the desire to date. But whichever was first, they are often a pair.

If you talk to Christians about dating, you will find responses all over the field. To some Christians, dating is almost a curse word, a plague upon society to be avoided like voodoo. To others, dating is a vast improvement over the old ways in which many couples got married without knowing each another. In reality, dating has its pros and cons, and those who praise it, major on its benefits, while those who castigate it, major on its pitfalls. What I want to do is to talk to single people about dating and to do so with a focus on the kingdom of God. So let’s start.

The purpose of dating is tied to marriage. In the beginning of the relationship, the purpose is to discern if this other person is someone to marry. Later in the relationship – for example, during an engagement period – dating can involve preparation for marriage. But at whatever stage a dating relationship is in, marriage lies behind the purpose of what you do. Therefore, if you want to understand dating from a Biblical standpoint, you must first understand marriage.

Marriage takes one man and one woman and unites them as one flesh for life. In marriage the two become one in a way that is indivisible. In marriage, the two live in closeness and intimacy for the rest of their lives. In marriage, the one flesh union is permanent. In marriage, you give your life to the other person as long as you both shall live. This is what marriage is.

The purpose of marriage is to reflect Christ and the church – His Bride. Thus, marriage is a portrayal of something bigger than itself, and God cares about marriage deeply because He intends it to be a living portrait of the gospel. Marriage is sacred. Marriage is intimate. Marriage is permanent.[1]

These are all truths you need to know when you are trying to decide if you should marry someone. The point of dating is to discern marriage; therefore, you need to ask yourself if you could live in oneness with this other person for the rest of your life. You need to ask yourself if you can commit, if you can joyfully give yourself to this person, not for a year or two, but for the next 75 years or more.

Many people who mess up the dating relationship do so because they don’t understand marriage. If you have a low view of marriage, you will have a low view of dating as well. Others mess up the dating relationship because they divorce dating from marriage altogether, as if the point of dating is merely to have fun or to be an outlet for their sexual desires.

So far I have talked briefly about foundational issues related to dating and romance – romance is inherently good, it reflects a deeper and more important relationship with Christ, dating is tied to marriage, and marriage is sacred, intimate, and permanent.

In the next blog, I want to talk about some principles for dating, but these foundational issues are crucial. They are the operating system within which we must work as we start putting some function to a dating relationship.

[1] I have been brief in describing marriage but have written a series of blogs on it. If you want more detail, go here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Dec

2021

The Christian and Work

For we hear that some among you walk in idleness, not busy at work, but busybodies. Now such persons we command and encourage in the Lord Jesus Christ to do their work quietly and to earn their own bread. (II Thess 3:11-12)

I made great works. I built houses and planted vineyards for myself. I made myself gardens and parks, and planted in them all kinds of fruit trees. I made myself pools from which to water the forest of growing trees . . . Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun. (Eccl 2:4-6, 11)

Thank you, Father, for the work you give us. We are grateful for it. May we recognize it as good and you as the gracious giver of that good.

I have said that when you become a Christian, Christ affects everything. We have talked so far about matters usually considered to be spiritual – the Scriptures, prayer, commitment to a church, sharing your faith, fasting, dying to self, and more. I now want to shift our focus a bit and talk about matters that most people consider more profane – work, money, family, pleasure, and relationships.

But before I begin, I need to dispel a misunderstanding. I need to state clearly that the idea I just introduced – that some topics are spiritual and others profane – is largely a fiction. Everything you do is spiritual. Your attitude toward your job is spiritual. How you spend money is spiritual. Where you find your pleasure is spiritual. How you treat your family is spiritual. Life is spiritual. I do not mean that all of life is esoteric and floating in the clouds. I mean instead that in Christ, the spiritual comes to earth. Your relationship with Christ should touch every area of your life, right on down to how you do the dishes.

The spiritual realm should inform you on how to live on earth and empower you to live that way. What this means is that if we are going to talk about the Christian life, we need to talk about life. Today we will begin with one aspect of life – your work.

If I could describe the overall attitude the Bible displays toward work, I would say this: work is good, but work is not God. Let’s briefly look at both halves of that sentence.

Work is Good

God works. In Creation He worked six days making physical objects. Jesus said, “My Father is working until now and I am working” (Jn 5:17). God’s work never stops.

God calls us to work. In Genesis, God told the man and woman to subdue the earth and rule over it (1:28). That is a job. God then told Adam to work a garden (2:15). That is also a job. God gave both jobs to the human race before the Fall. Sometimes people think that work is a consequence of the Fall. That’s not true. The Fall turned work into toil, but it did not invent work. Work was part of the original created order that God said was “very good” (1:31).

The jobs God gave Adam involve a range of activities. Ruling involves authority, management, and stewardship. Subduing the earth involves using the physical resources of the earth for human good and God’s glory. Tending a garden involves manual labor. Thus, prior to the Fall, God not only commands work, but He commands different kinds of work, including the kind of work that we today might consider menial, physical labor. God considers ruling to be good and digging to be good.

In addition, God instituted a Sabbath at Creation, and a Sabbath makes no sense apart from the context of work. God gave an expectation that six days you shall work and one day you shall rest. He even went so far as to model it for us.

Proverbs frequently praises the man who works and criticizes the lazy man.

Paul worked to support himself as he went about preaching the gospel. He said that he who does not work should not eat, and that those in the Lord Jesus should do their work quietly and earn their own living (II Thes 3:10-12) and that if anyone does not provide for his own family, he has denied the faith (I Tim 5:8).

Scripture holds common work in high esteem. If God calls you to be a farmer, He has called you to a good thing. If He calls you to be a computer programmer or a lawyer or a mechanic or a plumber or a teacher or any other legitimate profession, He has called you to a good thing. Work is good. All work that doesn’t center on sin is good.

Such work has several purposes.

First, honest work reflects the God who works. God is not lazy. Thus, if we are to be like God, we are to work.

Second, work not only reflects God but allows us opportunity to bring glory to God through ordinary means. The trees and stars proclaim His glory just by growing and shining. They do their normal work and honor God by it. In the same way, medicine provides the doctor ordinary means for bringing glory to God, and teaching provides the teacher ordinary means for bringing glory to God. If you wait tables or bake cakes, you have an ordinary job through which you can bring glory to God. You don’t have to be a pastor or missionary to glorify God in your work. Landscaping, architecture, truck driving, painting, sewing, housekeeping, raising children and more are all opportunities to glorify God. Whatever you do, do it for Christ and not for you, and you will find great purpose in it. You may work for a company or the government or yourself, but in the end, you work for Christ. Do your work as if you are working for Him.

Third, honest work contributes to subduing the earth and ruling over it. Different types of jobs contribute in different ways. Ranchers provide food. Scientists and teachers help us understand the world we live in. Engineers and contractors design and build things. Medical personnel keep us healthy. All of these tasks and more help the human race use the earth for human good.

Fourth, work provides our basic needs. Food, water, shelter, clothing, and heat all come through work.

For all these reasons, a person filled with Christ should perform his or her work with excellence and integrity. Sloppy work, a lazy man, or a lack of integrity in your job give the world an excuse to castigate Christ. The Christian should never allow that to happen. But excellent work and a diligent man full of integrity give the world a portrait of what Christ looks like in the work place. It brings glory to God through ordinary means. Daniel did this. Joseph did this. And so should we.

Work is Not God

But work is not God. Work may be a good gift from God, but it is only a gift. Work is a tool in life, not the purpose of life. It is a means for glorifying God, not the end in itself. It is good but never ultimate.

In Ecclesiastes, Solomon writes of the vanity of work (2:4-7, 11). I recall speaking to a man who developed products for IBM. He was doing cutting edge research and development for one of the leading technology companies in the world, and he said that he sometimes felt as if his job was a living portrait of Ecclesiastes. He would invest thousands of hours of his life developing a product, only to find that six months after they released it, it had become obsolete. He then would work on the next product, which would shortly become obsolete, and the next one, and the next one. The technology was constantly advancing, and he felt as if he never got anywhere. This cycle was his work. And that cycle is Ecclesiastes.

Arturo (not his real name) had just gotten a Phd in petroleum engineering from the University of Texas, the number one ranked university in the world in petroleum engineering. We were talking about his future, and I was pushing him to think bigger than work and said, “Arturo, I don’t think God made you just so you can find oil. I think He has something more important for you than that.”

I remember a missionary to Japan describing the work culture of Japan. Work was everything. Work was life. If you didn’t work 100 hours a week, you were not devoted enough. Work was how you got ahead. Work was how you proved your worth. Work did not serve you and your fellow humanity. You were its slave. Is it any wonder that Japanese culture is full of much meaninglessness, suicide and despair. If you have nothing beyond earth and your purpose lies in making cars, I feel sorry for you. I’m sure Japanese culture has many noble aspects to it, but the worship of work is not one of them.

Whatever you do for a living involves earth at some level, and earth will pass away. The financial records the accountant kept last year will be meaningless ten years from now. The hair that the stylist styles will need to be restyled in a few months, and every head the stylist works on will have no hair eighty years from now. The car that the mechanic repairs eventually ends up in the junk yard, and the body that the fitness coach trains winds up buried under dirt. Earth passes away. Everything that is on earth passes away. That includes your earthly work.

So if your job interferes with your time for God or your ability to serve His kingdom, you need to make some changes to your job. Your job is not your top priority. Christ is, and that fact is not negotiable.

Therefore, work your job diligently, with integrity and excellence, as if you are serving Christ, but never treat your job as your main purpose. A workaholic is just as dysfunctional as a bum but in the opposite direction. Making your work your main purpose is sin. It replaces God with running a company. No one who does that will be happy in the end, for running a company is not what you were ultimately made for.

People are different. Some will have a greater danger of being lazy than of being a workaholic, and others just the opposite. Whichever of those errors you are more inclined toward, the solution, at its most basic level, is much the same. Do your work for Christ and not for you. Christ will push the lazy person to have a heart for diligence and excellence, and He will remind the workaholic that work is subordinate to the Savior, and that we serve Him above any job we may have. Christ will give that person peace, a new perspective and remind him of his other responsibilities that he is neglecting – spouse, kids, parents, church, missions, God.

Oct

2021

The Christian and Fasting

“When you fast . . .” (Mt 6:16-7)

Father, may my life be yours.

Christian disciplines are a normal part of a healthy Christian life. Time in the Scriptures, prayer, giving, service, and sharing your faith are all disciplines I have already discussed. And while Christians may not practice these disciplines well, they generally agree that they ought to. Today, however, I want to deal with a discipline that may be the least practiced of them all, and part of the reason for the lag in practice is that many Christians do not think they ought to practice it. I am talking about fasting.

Why Christians Don’t Fast

There are two big reasons why Christians do not fast.

1. Some Christians see fasting as a legalistic practice. To them fasting is like the law, but we are now under grace. They read Colossians 2:20-23 and believe Paul is condemning fasting outright. They see in church history some monasteries turning fasting into nothing more than a rule. They see perhaps Christians today who make fasting a legalistic ritual. And when they see all this, they conclude that fasting was for the Old Testament maybe, but the old is gone and the new has come.

In all of the cases these Christians point to, however, I want to make a distinction. In Colossians, Paul is clearly condemning legalism. His point is that you are in Christ, that you are to walk in Christ, and that in Christ you have everything (2:6-15). He says that with Christ you died to the basic principles of this world (2:20). Why then would you do religion as the world does (2:20-3). The world focuses on rules, but rules cannot stop the indulgence of the flesh (v. 23). In other words, rules can’t make you holy. Paul’s point is not that Christians should refrain from practicing Christian disciplines, but that those disciplines do not lie at the center of our faith – Christ does.

In parts of church history and perhaps in some people’s lives today, fasting certainly has been a legalistic activity, and in that sense, Paul would condemn the way such people have practiced it, but I don’t believe Paul is condemning the practice wholesale. Many of the same monasteries that turned fasting into a rule also turned prayer into a rule, but no Christian seriously wants to say that prayer is legalistic. We are able to distinguish between legalistic prayer and legitimate prayer. Why can’t we do the same with fasting?

In fact, all the disciplines can be practiced in a legalistic way. You can have legalistic giving, legalistic Bible reading, legalistic service, legalistic sharing of your faith, legalistic confession, legalistic accountability, and more. When Christians refuse to fast because they think it legalistic, they are throwing the baby out with the bath water.

When Paul condemns legalism in Colossians, he is not condemning fasting itself. After Paul became a Christian, he still fasted. In fact, when he was part of the church leadership at Antioch, the entire church leadership fasted (Acts 13:1-2). And Antioch was not merely a Jewish congregation but a mix of Jews and Gentiles (11:19-21). In other words, fasting is not just some Old Testament practice reserved for Jews. It’s for everyone.

Jesus fasted (Mt 4:2) and endorsed fasting. He said “When you fast,” do it a certain way (Mt 6:16-8). He talks as if He expects you to fast, but He makes a distinction between legitimate fasting and illegitimate fasting. Later, when people ask why His disciples do not fast, He said, “Can the wedding guests mourn as long as the bridegroom is with them? The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from then, and then they will fast” (Mt 9:15). Jesus is referring to the future when He is no longer physically on Earth, and He says at that time, His people will fast.

Those Christians who claim fasting is legalistic are not looking at the whole picture. Nor are they making important distinctions between different motives for fasting or world views that inform fasting. Fasting is still beneficial for Christians. It can be legalistic, but it doesn’t have to be.

2. Probably the biggest reason why Christians don’t fast is that it is hard. Fasting denies our body something that it wants, and self-denial is a practice that the flesh will always fight. To put it in simplest terms: We don’t fast because we like to eat.

Even when the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak. We thus have this natural desire pressing us away from fasting. We then look at Scripture and see that fasting does not save us, that it can be done from wrong motives, that it can be legalistic, and that the Pharisees were big on it. We also see a God of grace and an emphasis on our hearts as opposed to our rituals, and conclude, usually subconsciously, that fasting isn’t all that important after all. We give fasting little thought, and when we do think about it, we often pat ourselves on the back that we have avoided the legalism of Ramadan. But what often drives such thinking is not really an avoidance of legalism but an avoidance of self-denial. Legalism is just the excuse. The flesh sits in the driver’s seat. I have seen this first hand, for I have seen it in myself.

Some Benefits of Fasting

1. Fasting helps you see your weakness more clearly. The truth is that you and I are far weaker than we think. We like to go around thinking how capable we are – I’ve got this . . . I can do this. Such thinking is pandemic. But when you fast, you become physically weak, and you grow tired more easily. When you feel weak, you are less apt to think yourself strong and more apt to see your need for God. Thus . . .

2. Fasting drives you to God. It helps you see Him more clearly. Part of seeing God is seeing your own brokenness, and part of seeing God is to see His glory. Fasting helps in both these directions. The reason most people miss God’s glory is that Earth gets in the way. We are so consumed with work responsibilities and family issues and finances and entertainment that God becomes distant and nebulous.

Fasting has a way of cutting through all these earthly distractions and directing our attention back to God. Fasting doesn’t eliminate all other responsibilities, but it puts them in perspective. Think of it this way. What’s more important? Your 8:00 AM meetings? Or food? In fact, don’t you work so that you can eat? When you willingly give up something like food in obedience to God, your job looks different. When you give up food, it’s not that you think eating is unimportant but that God is much more important. This perspective on food can spill over into other areas of life. If God is more important than food, then surely He is also more important than basketball or music or a computer science degree. It’s not just food that gets a new perspective. All of life does. And when God becomes bigger to you than life, you begin to see Him.

3. Fasting helps you deny self. Jesus said that if you want to follow Him, you must deny self and take up your cross. He said you must lose your life in order to find it (Mt 16:24-5). Paul said that he died daily (I Cor 15:31) and counted all things loss that he might know Christ (Ph 3:7-8). The concept of denying self or dying to self is all over the New Testament. It is central to what the Christian life is to look like. The problem with self-denial is that we don’t want to do it. It’s hard. But it’s mandatory.

Fasting gives you practice in self-denial. It helps train your heart to let go of what you want, so that when God puts His finger on something you cherish and says, “Give it to me,” the practice is not foreign to you. The letting go of food in a fast is minor and temporary compared to the other things God will ask you to give up. He may ask for your career or a girl friend or boyfriend. He may say, “I am more important than your family.” Thus, fasting is not the complete self-denial or dying that God will ask of you, but if you fast in obedience to God, it can help when the real dying comes.

One reason the Western church is so shallow is that it has thrown away the concept of self-denial, and when you get rid of self-denial, you live for yourself. The Western lack of emphasis on fasting is both a contributing factor and a symptom of this shallowness.

4. Fasting builds discipline and self-control. One of the fruits of the Spirit is self-control. When you fast, you are practicing self-control.

5. Proper fasting helps build humility. I say proper fasting because the Pharisees fasted and were quite proud. But when you fast with God at the center, you lay at His feet a strong desire of yours. Fasting involves a submission of your life to God. It says to God, “You are in charge of even when I eat.”

How Not to Fast

So let’s talk about some do’s and don’ts. First the don’ts.

1. Do not fast because you think God requires fasting in order to be good. That is legalism. Fasting does not make you good.

2. Do not fast because you think God requires fasting in order to accept you. That is Islam, and it is also legalism. God accepts you in Christ. Christ did the work of being good. By faith you are simply in Him and have His righteousness. In that sense, God accepts you even when you are not good – like the tax collector praying.

3. Do not fast in order to look good spiritually. This is the sort of fast Jesus condemns in Matthew 6. When you fast, fast for your heavenly Father who is in secret and not to be seen by men. This means don’t show off the fact that you are fasting. Don’t announce it to the world. Of course, there will be people close to you who will see that you are fasting. Don’t lie to them in order to keep things secret. If someone asks you why you are not eating, just tell him.

4. Do not think you are better than others because you fast. The Pharisee praying in the temple thanked God that he fasted twice a week and that he was not like sinners – like that tax collector over there. Jesus, however, said that it was the tax collector and not the Pharisee who was justified before God. Remember, fasting doesn’t make you good.

5. Do not fast merely for health reasons or to lose weight. Fasting to lose weight might better be called anorexia. Its focus is not on God but on your body and self-image. It is self-centered.

Fasting, however, can result in certain health benefits and fasting for health reasons is now in vogue. You can practice such a fast. It is not wrong in and of itself, but understand that fasting for health reasons is different from fasting for spiritual reasons. If you want to maximize the spiritual benefit of fasting, then fast for your heavenly Father, fast over your sin, fast for God’s presence, fast to see God move in a situation, fast out of obedience to God. Biblical fasting is always spiritual.

How to Fast

1. Fast as God leads. We are not under law, so there is no universal rule or fasting schedule for all people. Fasting is personal. It is something you do because God asks you to. Fasting can be corporate, but even when it is corporate, you participate because God wants you to.

Fasting can be scheduled. Maybe God asks you to fast regularly one day a week. But when you engage in a scheduled fast, your schedule is not binding on others, and it is binding on you only because God has spoken to you.

2. Fast with your heart on God. Fasting should be focused on God. The purpose of fasting is spiritual, to seek God’s heart, God’s direction, God’s help, God’s power. If you fast but are not seeking God in some way, you are not engaged in a Biblical fast.

3. When you fast, continue to practice other Christian disciplines. Read and meditate on Scripture when you fast. Pray when you fast. Sing and worship when you fast. Take time to be alone when you fast. The purpose of fasting is to focus on God, and all these practices help you do that.

Some Practical Considerations

1. Fasting can look different for different people. Maybe God asks you to fast one meal a day. Maybe He asks you to fast one day a week or two days. Maybe He asks you to fast for a week or two. Or longer. Maybe He asks you to fast indefinitely and wants you to trust Him for when the fast will end. Maybe He wants you to fast until something happens (until after a conference or a teaching you are giving). Not only will the fasting schedule look different for different people, but it may also look different for you at different times.

2. The most common fast is to go without food but to drink water. Some people fast from food but may drink juices or other liquids. Some people may fast from food and water. For complete fasts from food and drink, do not go beyond three days. Your body can’t generally go without water for more time than that. It can, however, go without food for a much longer time.

3. If you are a normal, healthy person, fasting should not cause you any health problems. In fact, it may bring some health benefits. Some people, however, may have health conditions that would preclude them from a typical fast. If you are diabetic or pregnant, you probably don’t want to fast. If you have a specific health condition and want to know if you can fast, ask your doctor.

4. The most common fasts involve food, and when the Bible talks about fasting, it is referring to food. However, it is possible to fast from things other than food. You can fast from the Internet, from soccer, from social media, from the news, from Spotify, or from virtually anything that is a common practice of yours. The fast, of course, should involve giving something up that you would find difficult to give up. If you fast from camping but hate camping, that’s not doing anything. But if your habit is to check social media every few hours or if you really love watching football, now we are talking about a fast that can help you.

These kinds of fasts can be beneficial for people who, for health reasons, can’t fast from food. They can also be beneficial for people who do fast from food. If you have ever given up some practice for a time (social media, TV) and felt the spiritual benefit of doing so, then you understand how fasting can bring spiritual benefit.

5. When you break a fast (especially a longer fast), do not break it with a heavy meal. Eat some fruit or vegetables or maybe some cereal. Drink some water or juice, but don’t go in for a big plate of pasta or curry. You’ll regret that. When you fast, your body adjusts to no food. If you then suddenly stuff yourself with a Mexican plate, your body can’t handle it well. You want to ease your body back into handling food.

You will also find that when you break a fast, your eyes will be bigger than your stomach. You will feel hungry and think you can eat portions like before, but you can’t. Psychologically, you will want to pile your plate high, but in reality, your stomach has shrunk and you will be able to eat maybe half a portion. Just be prepared for that phenomenon.

I have been quite brief in this blog, but I hope that I have encouraged you to be open to the possibility that God might ask you to fast and then to obey if He does.

Fasting has helped God’s people for thousands of years.

Oct

2021

Tell Them

Go therefore and make disciples of all nations . . . (Matthew 28:19)

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. (I Peter 3:15-16)

Lord, you have put me on Earth to proclaim your name. Be gracious to me and grant me boldness and wisdom and clarity as I do so. And change the hearts of those I speak to, that they may know your beauty and the great love you have toward them.

When the Samaritan woman encountered Jesus, she ran home and told people to come see the man who told her everything she ever did. She had met Messiah and wanted people to know Him. What she did is what every Christian is to do. We are to share our faith.

The gospel is good news, and good news is something you tell. When your boyfriend asks you to marry him, you tell your family and friends. When the baby is born, you tell your family and friends. When you are accepted into medical school, you tell your family and friends. You share good news. In fact, you want to share it. And Jesus is good news. Therefore, sharing Jesus with people is a basic, normal, part of the Christian life. The desire to share Jesus should be as natural as the desire to share being healed from cancer. If you didn’t want to share it, we would think something was wrong with you.

Those who follow Jesus tell others about Him. If they don’t, they hurt their own relationship with God. People who keep Jesus to themselves handicap their spiritual growth. Jesus wasn’t meant to be kept to yourself.

Of course, sharing Jesus with people is risky in many situations. Not everyone considers following Jesus to be good news. Muslims, communists, secular Americans, and others all reject the gospel of Jesus for different reasons – but Christians know that Jesus has brought them salvation and peace. And even when sharing the faith poses no tangible risk, it can feel risky to many people. Not everyone is wired like the Samaritan woman. Some people are quiet. Some don’t want to offend. Some feel a lack of confidence to address people’s questions. Some feel unqualified because of their sin. Most Christians have some reason why they don’t share their faith.

In the end, however, these reasons are excuses, even when they are true. Quiet people still need to speak of Christ. People afraid to offend need to remember that sometimes the gospel is offensive. People concerned about addressing questions need to understand that they don’t have to have all the answers and that the best way to learn is to do. People who sin need to remember that in Christ, they are clean and forgiven and that guilt should not rack their lives.

Sharing your faith can look different for different people and in different situations. Some will continually start spiritual conversations with strangers on the street. Others will modestly share the hope of Christ in more restrained ways. But all must share the message. Sharing your faith will involve the following: prayer, your life, an unbeliever, a relationship, and a message. Let’s briefly look at each of these aspects.

Sharing your faith involves prayer. At the end of the day, you do not and cannot convert anyone. Conversion is God’s business. Thus, prayer acknowledges the centrality of God in the conversion process and invites Him to do His work. To evangelize without praying is a bit silly. It’s trying to do God’s work without God.

Sharing your faith involves your life. You must understand that your life is a message just as much as your words are. Your words lose credibility if your life does not match them. Do not just tell the gospel. Live it. Tell the truth. Treat people with the love of Christ. Do your job with excellence. Be sexually pure. Don’t get drunk. Let your mouth be clean. Your life speaks volumes. It’s part of your message.

Sharing your faith involves an unbeliever. Some Christians are so insulated from unbelievers that they don’t have any one to share their faith with. If that’s you, find some people who do not follow Jesus and get to know them.

Sharing your faith involves a relationship. Jesus actually built relationships with tax collectors and sinners. He ate in their homes. He got to know them and let them get to know Him. You need to care about unbelievers as people. To do so necessitates relationship. Relationships break down barriers and build trust. They also allow others to see your life. NonChristians need to see how you live and not just hear words from you. Of course, there are special cases in which you have little time to develop a relationship – a waitress in a restaurant, a person you meet on the bus, etc. – but even in these cases, it is important to be as personal as possible and to address the real issues of the person you are speaking with. It shows you respect them.

Sharing your faith involves a message. If you never proclaim the message with your mouth, you have a problem. “How are they to believe in him of whom they have never heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching?” (Rm 10:14) The message is the substance of what Jesus has done. Stay quiet, and nobody knows.

Part of sharing Jesus is simply letting people know that you are a Christian. Be open about who you are. In high-risk situations – North Korea, Afghanistan – you might let fewer people know, but you cannot completely hide your faith indefinitely. It has to come out. If you live the faith, people will then start asking you about it.

If you belong to Jesus, sharing your faith is not optional. Of course, sharing Jesus is not a work that saves you. We are not Jehovah’s Witnesses. It’s the other way round. Salvation by grace makes us want to share Jesus, and the presence of the Holy Spirit empowers us to do so.

What I am saying is not new or wild. It is the thrust of ancient Scripture and the experience of more than 2000 years of Christian history.

Sep

2021

Serving

“For the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve” (Mk 10:45)

Lord, may I love you more. And may I serve you because I love you. Not to gain any reward, but because you are worthy.

People who walk with God give their lives to serve His kingdom. Service to Christ is a basic and normal part of the Christian life. God’s people work to advance the gospel.

Now I suppose I need to clear up a common misconception about working for the kingdom. It is this: working for the kingdom is not works righteousness.

Grace lies at the foundation of Christianity. Salvation is a gift. Holiness is a gift. Forgiveness, joy, and peace are gifts. And sometimes Christians emphasize these gifts in such a way that they simply consume them. They lounge in their forgiveness and salvation and are quick to fight any suggestion that they ought to serve the church or work for the kingdom. Grace then becomes an excuse to do nothing.

This notion of Christianity is light years from that of Jesus, who called people to give away their lives for His kingdom. Genuine faith serves God. It may be true that we are saved by grace, but it is also true that we are saved for good works in Christ.

Thus, the Christian who walks with God wants to serve the kingdom. It is not enough merely to attend church. God wants you actively involved in its ministry. God wants you to serve.

Christians who do not serve grow spiritually fat. They lie around in their grace without ever realizing that the grace they received frees them to serve, and that the strength to serve is itself grace. In other words, the Christians who never serve limit the grace they receive, for it is when you come face to face with bringing the gospel to difficult people or planting a church – when you face the struggles of ministry – that you begin to see how much more grace you need.

Christian faith grows through ministry. Ministry shows you your need for prayer, which means it shows you your need for God. When you cut yourself off from ministry, you cut back the grace of God. When you say, “I’m too busy to serve,” you forget that it is God whom you are too busy to serve – the One who has shown you such kindness. And you won’t serve Him.

People who do not serve the kingdom do not understand grace. Or the kingdom. They understand merely their own desires.

If serving is normal, how then should we serve?

Serve from the heart

Serving is not legalism. It is the natural overflow of a heart in love with Jesus. Therefore, the best step you can take toward healthy Christian service is to deepen your love for Jesus. Pursue Christ, not Christ’s work.

Serve sacrificially

Serving is just a different form of giving. Instead of giving money, you give time, skills, and energy. Give such resources generously.

The Christian who walks with God may have a job but still finds time to minister to refugees, to teach a Bible study, to organize a prayer gathering, to facilitate a neighborhood outreach, or to do any one of a thousand other ministries that advance the kingdom of God.

Serving the kingdom is so basic to a healthy Christian life that if you work a job that consistently leaves you no time for ministry, you might want to look for a new job or look at how you manage your time. Jesus’ disciples left their homes and careers to advance the kingdom. God may not ask that level of sacrifice from you, but He will require sacrifices of some sort. Be willing to make them. This is part of following Christ, for He was willing to sacrifice His life to serve.

Serve now

Many people put off giving to the future, and many put off serving to the future.

“When I get my promotion, then I will have more time and then I will serve . . . When I graduate . . . When my parents die . . . When I get a car . . . When . . . When . . . When . . .” Jesus rebuked the man who said “but first let me bury my father.”

Now. Serve now. You don’t have to serve in some big way. And yes, there is a time for rest and to take breaks, but such rest is for people who are already serving. If you’re not serving, start.

There are many related and more complicated issues we could cover here, but for now, this will suffice. For many, this is where you are. You need to see the connection between your relationship with Jesus and your service for Him. Don’t try to have the one without the other.

Aug

2021

Practical Issues of Giving

The previous blog on giving laid a foundation, and that foundation involves a right heart. Now let’s build on the foundation. Some principles for practical giving.

Give Everything

Sometimes when we talk about giving, people think only about money. This is a mistake. Some people are merely one-dimensional givers. They will write a check or tithe online, then wipe their hands and live the rest of their lives for themselves. They may consider themselves givers because they gave some money, but Biblical giving involves much more.

When your heart belongs to God, you give Him everything. Don’t give just money. Give your time to God’s kingdom. Give of your home, your car, and your skills to help the needy, to build the church, and to advance the gospel. Everything you have should be in God’s hands to use as He pleases.

Give Sacrificially

When Jesus was at the temple watching everyone put their gifts into the collection box. He claimed that the poor widow’s two coins were a greater gift than the gifts of all the others, “for they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

God does not measure giving in dollars and cents. He measures giving by sacrifice. The greatest givers are not necessarily those who give the most money but those who give up the most in order to give. The charitable foundations of the rich make the headlines, and people applaud the millions of dollars they give, but the givers behind those foundations still live their plush lifestyles. In the end, they have given little.

Your giving should impact your lifestyle. I’m not saying that we must live in poverty in order to give properly, but I am saying that sacrificial giving is a sacrifice, and when you sacrifice, you go without things you would otherwise have.

The story of the poor widow addresses specifically the giving of money, but the principle Jesus mentions applies to other types of giving as well. Give sacrificially of your time and skills and resources. If you do, you will have to sacrifice not just material comforts but activities you might otherwise want to do or personal desires you might otherwise have. Maybe you cannot attend a concert you would like to attend because you are busy teaching some women the gospel. Maybe you have to sacrifice your desire to sleep in order to pray or you have to miss a meal in order to help someone. Giving sacrificially can involve all of these examples. But whatever it involves, it will change how you live.

Give Now

I have had many people tell me that they want to give to God’s work but can’t because they are not financially able. But one day when they have money – then they will give. They misunderstand giving. They think the main part of giving is the money.

People who put off giving until a time when they have enough money rarely give, for when they get more money, they still don’t have enough. I think again of the poor widow at the temple. If she had put off giving until a future time, she never would have given at all.

Giving is not for the future. It is for now. People who talk about how much they would give if they had the money are not typically givers. Givers are people who give regardless of what they have. And they rarely talk about it. They just do it. And they do it now.

Giving is Good for You

Giving is medicine for the heart. Jesus talked a lot about money and possessions because they are powerful forces. They will steal your heart if you are not careful. The most potent antidote to the love of money is to give it away. When we give, we let go. God wants us to hold on tightly to Jesus, not to our stuff. Giving is, thus, one of the most freeing disciplines a person can practice. It frees your heart from slavery to this world.

I remember talking to the dad of a person in our church. This dad was not a Christian and was angry that his son tithed to the church, and the dad challenged me about it. He said, “Why do you have to give to God? God doesn’t need your money.”

I replied, “You’re right. He doesn’t need my money, but I need to give for the sake of my soul. I give partly because it is good for me, not because I think God somehow needs my money.”

Jul

2021

Giving

Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift. (II Cor 9:15)

Father, you have given me all I have. Make me a man who gives to you all I have.

God gives. He so loved the world that He gave. He saves by grace, and grace is a gift. Eternal life is a gift. Your own breath is a gift. Food and home and friends are all gifts. Forgiveness is a gift. A new nature is a gift. The Holy Spirit, peace and joy are gifts. Every good and perfect gift comes from above, from the Father of lights. God is not merely a giver but a lavish giver. He gives exceedingly and abundantly above all that we could ask or think.

God is a lavish giver because He is a lavish lover. God gives because He loves, and He gives lavishly because He loves lavishly. Love gives. The more you love, the more you give. When a man and woman love each other, they give themselves to each other in marriage for life. No greater love is there than to give your life for your friend. God loves us so deeply that He has given His life for us. He now asks us to give our lives for Him.

If we do not love God, we will not give our lives for Him, but when we love Him, we give everything for Him.

The Christian life is a life of giving. Christ calls people to lay down their lives and follow Him. It’s expensive. You have to give Him everything. If you don’t want to give Him everything, don’t follow Him. If you want to give Him everything but find it hard . . . well . . . me too. Come join me and let’s walk this path together. It may be hard, but it’s full of joy and freedom.

Typically when we think of giving, we think of money and possessions, and, of course, giving certainly involves money and possessions, but Biblical giving is so much more. Biblical giving begins with the heart. To God writing a check without your heart in it, is a bit shallow. The heart is the foundation to giving, so let’s lay that foundation.

Here are some principles that are part of the foundation for the type of giving that God wants from us. No particular order.

Understand where everything comes from. Do you have a family? God gave it to you. Do you have a job? God gave it to you. Your bank account, your home, your education, your time, your ability to play the piano, your skill with numbers or words, your compassion? God gave them all to you. Is there any good thing you have that God did not give you?

The Christian must understand deep in the heart that everything he has came from God. We cannot give what we do not have, and we have because God first gave. We love because He first loved us, and we give because He first gave to us. Everything we give originated with God. A father gives his child spending money. The child takes some of that money and buys a gift for his father. The child thus gives to his father what his father had first given to him. Christian giving is like this.

The person who best gives sees that everything he has came from God.

Understand that everything we have is by grace. This principle relates to the one above but focuses on something different. The first principle states simply that God is the source of every good thing in our lives. This second principle focuses on merit. It’s not just that God is the source; it’s that we do not deserve any of the good things He has given. You have air to breathe and water to drink, but you did nothing to deserve such. In Christ, you have forgiveness and peace, but you did not deserve them. You have a thousand blessings at your right hand, and you have done nothing to earn them.

The Christian who sees his heart knows that he deserves nothing. And yet God has given us everything. This is grace. You have work by God’s grace. You have a family by God’s grace. You have a home by God’s grace. You have a clean heart, a renewed mind and a new nature by God’s grace.

Sometimes the rich and powerful receive gifts because they are rich and powerful, and people court their favor. But God does not need your favor. He gave to you when you were lowly and poor. You were nothing but He gave you life. You were naked but He clothed you. You were hopeless but He gave you hope.

Christians sometimes think that salvation is the only thing they have received by grace. This could not be further from the truth. Everything we have has come by grace. This fact should affect our giving because it should touch our heart. We should be grateful for what we have and not demanding that we receive more.

The Christian who best gives is the Christian who sees that he deserves none of God’s good gifts.

We need new hearts in order to give. I suppose you do not technically need a new heart to write a check or to volunteer to lead worship. Many who write checks have old hearts, and many who lead worship are merely performers. But Biblical giving goes beyond externals. If we are to give as God desires, we need new hearts, and these new hearts require God to make them new.

Ask God to give you His heart. The heart of Christ wants to give, and the heart of Christ comes only from Christ. You cannot make yourself give. You cannot clench your fists and will God’s heart. You cannot change yourself. Only God can do this. So go to Him. This is where giving is interconnected with everything else we have been discussing about walking with God. Get your heart into the Scriptures, into prayer, into a Christ-honoring church. Trust in the Cross and Resurrection, and lean on His Spirit. Look to Christ for your new life. When you do, and when He gives you a new heart, you’ll give – from the heart.

Giving is grace. This principle is different from the principle about grace above. That principle says that what you have received is grace. This one focuses on what you give.

When Paul encourages the Corinthians to give, he uses as an example the churches in Macedonia. He says, “We want you to know, brothers, about the grace of God that has been given among the churches of Macedonia.” Paul then describes the giving of those churches and concludes with “ . . . see that you excel in this act of grace also” (II Cor 8:1-7). To Paul, the giving that the Macedonian churches practiced was by the grace of God, and the giving that he encouraged the Corinthian churches to practice was also by the grace of God.

When we give, we give out of the grace of God. This principle flows naturally out of all the principles above. The money, time, talents, and resources we have are by grace. God gave them to us. The very heart to give is also grace. God gave it to us.

All aspects of Biblical giving are grace. God graciously gives us the resources, the ability, the heart, and the privilege to give. Thus, when we give, we should be grateful.

We must give ourselves before we give our things. Paul says of the Macedonian churches, “they gave themselves first to the Lord and then by the will of God to us” (II Cor 8:5). One of the biggest mistakes people make when they give is that they give only their things. This sort of giving usually arises out of either legalistic motives – “I did my duty” – or a desire to feel good about ourselves – “see what a kind person I am!”

In this type of giving, the self is still at the center. We may let go of some money, but we haven’t let go of ourselves. God wants so much more than your stuff. He wants you. He wants you to give Him yourself and not just some material goods. Of course, when you give God yourself, He gets your stuff as well. Giving God yourself is not a substitute for giving Him your resources. It is the motivation and power for doing it.

When it comes to giving, keep first things first. Giving your resources is not first. It flows out of a life given to God.

Healthy giving requires contentment. Godliness with contentment is great gain. When we give ourselves to Christ, we have Christ, and if we have Christ, we have all we need. We are rich. In fact, we are richer than if we had merely a trillion dollars. The Christian who sees this is content with what he has. When we are content with what we have, we are freer to give.

If we are not content in Christ, we are not truly content. We will always want something more, and when we want more, we tend to hold on to what we have or we give grudgingly. Scripture says God loves a cheerful giver, and a cheerful giver is content. Contentment is essential to Biblical giving.

The principles above focus on our hearts. This is where giving begins.

Jul

2021

The Christian Life: A Summary So Far

Over the past months, I have been discussing how to live the Christian life. I want now to stop and summarize what we have seen so far. This is, thus, a review, a satellite picture of a portion of the Christian life. When you live the Christian life, what should it look like? What helps us live the life Christ calls us to live? So here goes.

The Christian life requires a Christian. This is basic. To live the Christian life, you must first have the life of Christ in you. Unconverted people cannot live converted lives. Christ must change you. You must be a new creature in order to live a new life.

The Christian life requires Christ. The Christian life is a life of “not I but Christ.” It is a life of being dead to sin but alive to God in Christ Jesus. The Christian who relies on his own strength will not live the Christian life. But the Christian who looks to Jesus and leans on Jesus and trusts in Jesus will find in Jesus the power to live for Jesus. In the Cross and Resurrection, God has done the work to make us righteous. He has cleansed us from all sin, crucified our sinful nature, and given us new life through the Spirit. Believe these truths from the heart. Rest in them and let them lead your life.

The Christian life requires the Spirit. In Christ, God has come to dwell in you through His Spirit. It is His Spirit who convicts you of sin, judgment and righteousness. It is His Spirit who brings holiness. It is His Spirit who applies the power of Christ in your life. Let Him do so.

The Christian life requires perseverance. We live in a fallen world, and those who are in Christ still fall, but when we fall, we confess our sin, we trust in the Cross of Christ to make us whole, and we get back up. We don’t quit. Ever.

The Christian life requires desire. You cannot die to self unless you have a greater desire for Christ. The Christian life is not about forsaking our desires but about fulfilling a higher and deeper desire for Christ. You must have passion for Jesus if you are to live for Him successfully.

The Christian life requires a church. God made His people to be a body in which each member needs the others. You need a church, and the church needs you. People who choose to live outside a Christ-honoring church are not living the Christian life. In fact, they cannot live it until they choose to participate with the body of Christ. Christians should grow in their relationship with God, but God designed them to do this within the context of a Biblical community.

The Christian life requires the Scriptures. If you want a healthy soul, feed it healthy ideas. If you want to know God better, learn what He says. God’s words are in the Bible. Read it. Meditate on it. Listen to it. Take it to heart. Obey it. If you want to live the Christian life, the Bible is essential. It points you in the right direction. It centers your soul on Christ. Those who best live the Christian life spend significant time daily feeding their souls from the living word of God.

The Christian life requires prayer. If you want to live the Christian life, you need to know God, and if you want to know God, you and He need to talk . . . intimate talk . . . soul talk. Not just “grant me these three requests” talk. You need to pour out your heart to God, and this heart-to-heart communication needs to happen daily. Indeed, it needs to happen as you live life, so that you talk with God from the heart throughout the day. The more you pray – real prayers, not just scripts – the closer your relationship with God grows, and as you draw near to God, He changes you, and you will see Him work through you. A Christian life without real prayer is not a Christian life.

All of the above represent a summary of the past several months blogs about how to walk with Christ. I felt it necessary to stop and recap before we move on, for we have so much more to address, and it is good from time to time to stop and bundle things up. If you want more details, go back and read the blogs, but even they are incomplete. There is so much more to the Christian life than can be written.

Jul

2021

Sharing Your Life

that I may know Him (Phil 3:10)

Lord, I want to know you. In the end, nothing else matters. Let me know you.

When I married Leanne, we became one and began a life together. I married her because I knew I wanted to be with her. But when I married her, I also began a lifelong process of getting to know her. I knew her but I didn’t know her. I knew her because I had spent time with her, had talked with her, and had seen her life. But when we married, the time with her, the talking with her, and the seeing her life multiplied intensely. After 27 years of marriage, I now know her much more intimately than I did on our wedding day. We have shared life together. We have walked together through unemployment, a miscarriage, deaths of parents, divorces of loved ones, ministry failures and successes, the births of our children, homeschooling, graduations, and more. We have shared life. Today I am a richer man because I have gotten to share life with Leanne.

Scripture says that our relationship with God is like a marriage. Just as Leanne and I have shared life together, so, too, are you and I to share life with God. He wants us to share life with Him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. He wants to walk with us and us with Him through unemployment and promotions, miscarriages and births, cancer and healing, ministry failures and successes. God wants a marriage with you.

Now one of the most basic practices of a good marriage is that the husband and wife talk. They share their pains and joys, their doubts and certainties, their frustrations and pleasures. As life happens, the communication of all these thoughts and feelings happens. It’s part of marriage.

And it’s part of what God wants from you. God wants you to know Him and to grow in knowing Him. This growth happens as you share life with Him, and sharing life with Him requires you to talk with Him. There is no other way. If you want to know God, you will pray. If you don’t pray, you will not know God. Prayer is where your soul touches God. Prayer is where you pour out your heart. It’s where you share with God your pains and joys, your doubts and certainties, your frustrations and pleasures, and you share these thoughts and feelings as life happens.

For too many Christians, however, prayer is flat and one-dimensional. They come to God to ask for stuff – heal my mom’s knees, give me this job, help me on that test. While such prayers are certainly legitimate, if this sort of praying is all you ever do, you are not sharing life with God. Quite the opposite in fact. You are keeping your life to yourself and coming to God when you want something. What if my wife spoke to me only when she wanted something from me? What kind of marriage would that be? That would not be sharing life together.

Our growth in Christ depends on our willingness to share our souls with Him. If you want to live the Christian life better, then get to know Christ better. Come to Him and share with Him your heart and let Him share with you His heart. The people who best live the Christian life are the people who best know God.

Indeed, this is why Jesus died: so that you may know Him.

So get to know Him.

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